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Liz
18 May 2024Namaste Shunya and Sangha,
At one point, I had been meditating and studying with fierce dedication. But at some point, I recognized that I had made liberation into an object, a quest. I had externalized God into an image, and with that came beliefs that if I could be good enough, or worthy enough, then I would be given Grace. When I realized the falseness of that thought projection, my spiritual discipline collapsed.
I haven’t lost my love or belief in God; actually it’s probably all I really have underneath it all. However, if I am being honest, I don’t feel that I have the ability or the drive to be ceaseless in my effort to reach God consciousness. Yet I fully sense the futility of ego consciousness, and all of its games, projections, and delusions. I can’t unsee the truth or unbelieve in the realness of God consciousness. However, I feel I lack the patience, discipline, and support of community structure and dharma to be truly successful on the spiritual path to liberation but I sense the urgency. I feel like Sita trapped in ravana’s garden waiting to be rescued.
Perhaps you have some guidance for me?
Thank you,
Liz