When I ponder When I wonder
When I consider or contemplate
Who am I?
Outside of my body, mind, emotions
and all their paraphernalia
What do I come up with?
Stuff I’ve done’
Didn’t do
Should have done
Or did without caring to.
But, pondering deeper
Who am I?
Beyond this history
or litany —
Who did them?
Or didn’t do them outside
space and time and activities done
or left undone?
A seeker.
One who wandered and wondered
From whence she emerged and why.
Seeking to know her place, her source,
her raison d’être.
Who am I? And why am I?
If not a doing body,
a thinking mind,
an emotional torrent?
I look deeper, I delve.
Beyond veils emeshed in the above
Beyond motives made of thoughts
Beyond principles imprinted by others
Beyond reactions as well as actions.
I peel and peer
digging, delving
I can’t see anything.
It’s all attached to something above.
Peeling, peering, digging, delving
When will I find the answer?
I seem to come up to a wall of darkness,
a blank space
a nothingness
a void.
I close my eyes
tired of seeking
what seeks to remain hidden.
I give up
Surrender
Will I ever know?
Surrendering to the emptiness
of my search
I seek the solace of this darkness
This lack of answers
This silent space
of no answers
No desires
No thoughts
No caring
No nothing.
I sink into the silence
Knowing nothing
Perceiving nothing
Doing nothing.
Yet here I am.
Just being
Me
I am a breathing alive being
Unknown.
Yet conscious of being
Me
And loving it