The Truth is Buried Under Layers of Trauma
The ego is born out of trauma. And traumas are piled upon other traumas, and this sedimentary substance of agitation, terror, dread, fear, fury, despair—all of that becomes conceptualized by the ego-mind as the Real. And so we call that Real 1, because that phenomenologically, in terms of the development of the mind of the being who is born, becomes the unbearable knowledge that the ego develops in order to avoid. And so it shifts away from the Real, which leaves it speechless and utterly crippled and completely lost, shipwrecked, unable to know how to relieve its agony—and so it avoids it entirely by developing another level of consciousness that we call the “imaginary register”, in which one creates an idea of the self that is tolerable, and can enable it to manage the reality that it has to face. But it also has to create a censoring agency to make sure that Real 1 doesn’t irrupt in one’s face. And so all of that unbearable and forbidden knowledge becomes repressed. And the censor takes over the guidance of one’s life and keeps away information that it doesn’t believe that the imaginary ego can tolerate. And thus one remains clueless because one has deliberately thrown away the key to understanding oneself, and the Real.
And then it develops an imaginarized symbolic capacity which (it thinks) allows it to think critically, and to move in the world by calculating what is possible and what will bring a good outcome, but because that level of the symbolic is based on an affirmation of the imaginary, all it really does is create more karma—it’s not a true symbolic agency that can see through the self-deceptions of the whitewashed imaginary version of reality that the conscious ego lives in.
And even though that conscious level of life is nothing better than a purgatory that itself is its own hell realm of the agony of the limitations that the imagery register creates, and forces one to play a character that one knows is not one’s Real Self—so one feels as an imposter, and one feels as an inauthentic being, which then cripples the capacity for relationships, and for attaining any lasting happiness in life.
And so the ego structure itself is the hell realm that must be released in order to understand what is truly real, not what has been accepted as real, conceptualized as such, and then repressed. And so the act of meditation begins by dropping all concepts. At first, this will be the dropping of the imaginary concepts, but then the irruptions from the Real will have to be felt and dropped. When you’re at this phase of meditation, it’s called the “dark night of the soul”. But once all of the unconscious that has become conscious is also recognized by a true symbolic agency that begins to develop once one has made the decision and commitment to discover who I am really—not the ego that I pretended to be—then one has the ability to cut away those illusions.
But to do that, one must have discovered another Real more powerful than Real 1 (the Real of trauma), and that Real we call love. And that’s the reason why every ego is looking for love, but at the level of the ego it cannot love; it doesn’t dare to be vulnerable enough to love, and so it expresses its yearning only as desire. And really, worse than that, the desire to be desired. But the desire to be desired is a desire to be seen as an object, a body, to be used, possessed and finally defiled by the other, in the vain yearning to be loved, so that one can feel secure from trauma. And so one leaves one hell realm for another, and another, and another. And the only way to be free of this is to discover what love is in itself, not to hope to get it from another who can only see you as a body—because you only see yourself as a body—but the love that comes from one’s own heart within, that the ego can never reach, because it has been repressed as too vulnerable to allow to be open.
But once one has the courage and the commitment to enter into the heart, and discover the Real 2 of love, this also opens the real wisdom that we call chakra 5, that is the true symbolic capacity, that has the ability to refute, to dismember the fantasies that have been destroying one’s life, and crippling one’s capacity to manifest one’s potentials.
But once one has access to love and to wisdom, then the ego is easily dissolved, because it was only a fabricated notion in the first place, and it was only intended to overcome a past as a helpless infant, that, unfortunately through that strategy, keeps the mind as an infant, even when the body is chronologically able to manage its life without suffering at the hands of another, but it somehow continues to do so, because it believes those repressed Real 1 energies that are always seeping into one’s mind, which is why one is always running away from oneself. And as they do that, one falls into very regressed, primitive, infantile states of dependency, and foolhardy decisions are made on that basis, and one sabotages the development of one’s life. But once the wisdom eye is open, one can see all this clearly, and one can recognize its folly, and one can understand that there is nothing to be afraid of, the demons don’t really exist—they are mental delusions—they might have at one time been real experiences, but now they are just memory traces, and one is haunted by the past but refuses to live fully in the present.
But once there is love that is one’s guiding light, and one values the real truth, one is led by love to Real 3, to the ultimate, to the absolute Self, that transcends the matrix in which the consciousness had been projected and believe that it was born into…